Camp near Youngs Mills,
22d Dec., 1861.
My very dear Wife:
Your
last announced the sickness of little Norman and I felt for Georgie with Norman
away. I regret that they do not improve the experience of Norman when a child
and see the origin in the disordered state of his stomach from something he has
eaten which disagreed with him.
I
was thankful that the same letter brought the tidings that our little ones were
well, and that you were all getting on well, tho I fear you have had some
anxiety about me growing out of the thousand and one rumors which reach the
itching ears of Richmond. I heard that you had sent Col. Geo. W. Randolph
through Mrs. Jones to enquire after me, my whereabouts, my health, etc., and I
fear you have not received my several letters in which I advised you not to
give heed to rumors.
We
have been kept in a continual state of suspense for the past ten days, our
General expecting an attack, our heavy baggage sent to the rear, and every
activity to prevent the enemy overpowering our comparatively small force, but
up to the present time there has been no advance movement of the enemy, and so
far as we can judge, none in contemplation. These annoyances have of course
stopped our preparations of winter quarters, and while my men are comfortable
in their log huts, I am equally comfortable in my tent. We have been blessed
with remarkably mild weather, and winter cannot be said to have visited us yet.
With the little stove and the buffalo robe I keep very comfortable and in
perfect health, for which I hope I am grateful to a kind Heavenly Father, who
has done so much for me and is willing to do still more.
There
are a great many of our officers and men who are very anxious and pressing to
be allowed to visit their homes during the Christmas, and with the absent,
sick, and those sent on duty to other places, our Regiment is not half its
accustomed strength, and our camp wears rather a quiet, melancholy aspect. My
military duties are light, so I have a good deal of quiet to myself for
meditation and self examination, and as I have no reading but the Bible and
“Rise and Progress’, I have improved the time for my good, I trust. I have no
one that I esteem as a sympathizing, close Christian friend, though there are
very many pious good men in the Regiment. While I cannot say that I enjoy the
blessings of Christian joy and happiness at present, nor do I think I ought
under the pressure and dampening influence of war without. I am truly thankful
to say that I have peace in believing, and that with all the anxieties
surrounding me that I am able to pursue my Christian course smoothly and hopefully.
I am satisfied that this is not the hour for Christian joy, but that the Lord
as it were veils his face for the tie even to those whom he owns as his
children, that in love he would try their faith individually and thus perfect
them in holiness, while collectively as a church he would humble them and show
them that worms of the dust they stand in danger of the judgment by reasons of
the very blessings by which He in His bounty has placed at their disposal in a
time of peace, and that neither riches nor worldly goods can purchase peace of
mind and soul either in this world or that that is to come.
I
believe the day has come when the Lord proposes to draw a line between His and
the worlds, that the barriers which his religion would place between the lives
of His children and those of Satan having been broken down by profession and
the world, and those that profess to be His followers wear no longer the sign
of the cross in their foreheads, that He will separate between the sheep and
the goats and again either one prove vital godliness in His Sanctuary, that
self deceived professors having in their hearts still the gown of sin but for
want of a congenial air and favouring circumstances have remained dormant, not
being tempted have consequently not give place to sin openly; now surrounded by
evil and temptation, under favourable circumstances for its development, it
brings forth fruit to the surprise of its possessor, and seeing and feeling its
presence with true penitence, he turns a confessed sinner to his merciful
Heavenly Father and it received with open arms, ransomed from his own blinded
self and sin.
There
is more hope for the perpetrator of open sin than the possessor of secret sin,
for the one is seen while it is felt, while the other indulgence is neither seen
nor felt, the conscience being too often blunted by its continual presence. I
know there is nothing in this life comparable to the inward sense of right, of
God’s approval, and that while it cannot be purchased by silver or gold, maybe
enjoyed by all who with honest hearts turn their face to God and at the same
time their backs to the world, for it is impossible to serve God and Mammon.
It
is a hard thing to be a compromise Christian, while it is an easy thing “for
the wayfaring man tho a fool cannot in” to be a whole souled Christian,
provided we give our hearts wholly to God. The difficulty is we seek to enter
the holy of holies with defiled hands, we would withhold part of the purchase
money and not consecrate the whole to God, we would seek to secure a place in
Heaven while we hold with a firm grasp this world. We express strong faith in
God’s promises, while we show strong faith in the things which perish with the
using, we dream of Heaven while our conversation is of the earth, earthy, the
secrets of our hearts, are sin, while our outspoken virtues, which the world
commends, are deceits. These characteristics make up the present day
Christians, but not the Bible Christian, as I pray the great national calamity
of war may prove to many self-deceived ones and be to them the greatest
blessing of their lives.
The
Lord worketh and none can hinder, and in a wonderful way for to the many
evidences of His Providential interference in our behalf if the signs of the
times are an index, He has given our enemies over to their lusts and blindness
and is raising up in our behalf a strong alley in England, which will be to us,
I hope, a speedy deliverance from war, while it will humble our proud
oppressors. The prayers of God’s people are more powerful than a ____________
arm, and we should be encouraged to pray more earnestly and continuously for
his favor, and that in granting that favor our people may see and realize that
not by their might and strength but the power of God we are delivered, and
seeing it may acknowledge him in all their ways. Then will war have brought a
great good to us as a people.
It
is Sunday, the Lord’s day. It has been to me a day of rest and peace, and
though I have not heard a sermon I think when you get through this you will say
I have written one. I have put my thoughts and feelings on paper. I fear it
will impair your eyes to read them, for I have still to write on one knee.
I
was officer of the day yesterday and last night about midnight had to put your
friend, Roach, in the Guard House for drunkenness, riot and disorder, fighting
and cursing and straining at the Guard. Poor fellow, like too many others
liquor will prove his ruin, and while he may aid to gain liberty for his
country, in the chains of intemperance he will be dragged down to eternal
slavery unless rescued by the blood of Jesus. I must talk to him when sober. It
may be that the Lord will open his heart and divine truth take the place of
hellish lust.
Kiss
the dear children for father and tell them to be good. I pray God that with the
approaching spring peace may be vouchsafed to us and the sword turned into the
pruning hook and we return to our own better prepared to be truly thankful to
God for our daily blessings.
May
the Lord give us strength for every hour of trial and we be at all times able
to say: “Thanks be to God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ”. Love
to all, especially Amandus, and try to help him. Let me know how he gets on. So
soon as we have quiet I will write him.
Yours
very affectionately,
Jno.
S. Walker
