Camp Deas, near Youngs Mills,
8th January, 1862
My very dear Wife:
I
wrote you a few days ago that I was a little unwell. I am thankful to say that
I am now well, and as these are stirring times down here, and I have no doubt a
thousand rumors reach Richmond of what is doing, I again remind you not to give
credence to them. It is time there is a very large fleet in Hampton Roads, and
the belief of our General is that an attack is intended on this peninsular. It
may be so, and if it is it may result in our defeat, for our forces, small at
best, reduced by the number absent, sick, is still smaller and is so scattered
that it would require hard forced marches to concentrate them at one point and
repulse an attack. The enemy if they come will come in large forces and make an
attack by land and water. We would have to lose all our baggage, likely burn up
our winter quarters, march over very bad roads and be exposed to the inclement
weather of winter. I am looking at the dark side and it is our duty to do so,
while we are determined in our purpose and confident of the final issue. Should
we engage the enemy, it may be that I may be killed. You have no doubt
considered these things and found grace to sustain you in view of them, and I
have no doubt Grace would be given you to receive the Lord’s affliction. My
duty in view of such a result is to live prepared for it, and it is hard to
divest oneself of the selfish feeling that death would bring relief from the
trials and troubles of war. Should it be so, my hope is in Christ, and with my
expiring breath, with the honest petition “Lord have mercy on me a sinner, for
Jesus sake”, would be the exultant hope of a sinner saved by Grace, and my last
words to my friends would be these of Job: “Behold, my witness is in heaven,
and my record is on high”, and I could confidently confide my family to that
good kind Heavenly Father who knows what
is best for them better than I do, and while their earthly prop would be taken
away, their Heavenly support would be increased.
Should
it so happen that I should be wounded and taken prisoner, I have no doubt Grace
would be given me to bear all, and that He who watcheth over me now, would not
leave me comfortless, but the Saviour who now stands by me would whisper “I
will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you.” As a prisoner deprived of
a great many privileges I now enjoy, I would still have the glorious privilege
of communion with my Heavenly Father, and with that any privation might be
borne. I may be wrong in casting a gloom over your path with any such
probabilities, but since they are possible, if you are sustained by the
Almighty Arm, you can with Christian resignation not only contemplate them,
but, thanks be to God, endure the, properly exercised thereby, it is under any
circumstances preferable to us to be fortified by grace, for any and every
change.
Should
I pay the forfeit of my devotion to my country with my life, I would leave my
family with a meagre pittance, in the wreck of fortune, for their support,
while they would have strong friends in my brother. You would have to live very
economically to live at all, and I am thankful that these things would not
afflict you, while the blessings of Heaven, the very absence of fortune might be
and no doubt would be the best legacy, with a good name, that I could leave my
children, so that my misfortunes would prove their gain. For but few who
inherit fortune know the use of it, and its abuse is their eternal loss. My
children would then have the opportunity of being reared, not in the lap of
luxury, but the school of poverty, which tho a hard master is a very thorough
teacher, and would learn them bible charity, if they properly improved it,
which would be their eternal gain. But why should I pursue a strain alike
painful both to you and myself. Not have talked or written you upon the
subject, it is my duty to do it, and I have so little confidence in the way
things are conducted in this department, that even a good cause may suffer for
their mismanagement. I would not have my remarks to make you unnecessarily
anxious on my account, even should we have an engagement, for after all our
lives are in the hands of the Lord and He directs the battle, so let rumor go to
the wind, and should the worst come, let the Lord be your shield and
protection.
Our
mails are so very irregular that I have not heard from you for several days. I
trust in God you are all well and do not feel anxious, since I know his
Fatherly protection is yours.
In
my letter on New Years day to the dear children, I told them to thank Mrs. Hays
for her acceptable present, and I repeat the same request to you. I will when
we are more settled try and write to her, for every hours we are startled by
false rumors of the enemy advancing, and at night are not allowed to have
light.
We
hold our Company prayer meetings in our quarters every night and they are well
attended and very profitable to us all, and I hope by the blessing of God may
be the means of bringing some of our unpenitant members into the fold of
Christ. Col. August attended the one last night and seemed pleased and profited
by it. Thank God, he is living a holy life so far as the world sees, and I pray
in the sight of God.
Remember
me affectionately to all our family. Let me hear of Man whenever you write, and
the kind friends who inquire after me.
And
now, my dear wife, commending you to the protection of our kind Heavenly Father
and renewing my request for your continued prayers for me and our cause, and
with kisses for the dear children, I am
Ever
your husband,
Jno.
S. Walker.
Should you not hear from me again
for several days, attribute it to my duties and surroundings. I have to go on
picket tomorrow.
