Camp 15th Regt.,
6 mi. below Ricmond,
22d June, 1862.
My very dear Wife:
A few
days more and it will be three months since McClellan began his triumphal march
to Richmond. During that time I have been beset behind and before, subjected to
great trials and inconveniences, not to say suffering. I have had great
responsibility upon me, with no one to hold my hands. My time day and night has
for the most part been absorbed in my duty to my country, and as I have to do
with all my might whatever my hands find to do, I fear, yea I know, I have
omitted the weightier matters of the law. I have not kept the Lord as my
strength and counsellor before my eyes and in my heart. In fact, I have laid
all on the altar of my country, even sacrificing the natural affection to my
family, not taking time to write you. I have trusted too much in my own efforts
and have had too much confidence placed in me by those in authority. While my
whole soul has been thrown into my country’s cause as one of her defenders, my
spiritual soul has grown less and as a soldier of the cross I have been
unprofitable, and yet how good the Lord has been unto me thru it all. Not only
has He given me health of body and mind and a will for any work, but above all
He has in mercy shown me by His Spirit’s influence how I am neglecting to grow
in grace, to have at all times the witness of His approval, to find Him a
present help in every hour of trouble, and a refuge in every necessity, so that
however surrounded, I may find Him a comforter. I have drawn myself away today,
this His Sabbath, from the routine of camp duty to examine my own heart, to
confess before Him my wandering from Him and to drink from the ever flowing
fountain of Gospel grace, hope, comfort and consolation, for in myself there is
nothing good but all unclean, but a free grace and full pardon is promised to
all who truly repent. I find that it will be necessary for me to have system
and regularity in my devotions at the expense of everything else, or Satan will
come in and possess my soul. I fear that with natural impulsiveness and energy,
with too much the spirit of Martha I have allowed myself to be unnecessarily
taxed, yea, and unprofitably it may be, for my country, to the prejudice and
injury of my eternal good. I see it, I think. I am sorry for it. I thank God I
see it, and by His help I will improve my past experience, and depending less
upon myself and more upon my Father, will seek for the future to lead a more
holy life. Thus fortified, I will be superior to all temptations and find my
heart continually refreshed by the Heavenly dew of peace and joy.
Events
seem to be tending to a culmination point. It is indeed the hour of our
extremity, and tho I have so often proven in the past that I am no prophet, yet
I am impressed that the present week is pregnant with great stirring events,
which may prove the closing scenes of the war. I think not only the people but
the armies of both the North and the South would welcome the hour of peace, and
a decisive battle before Richmond may prove the dawn of that hour.
The
great, tho good, Jackson – the man of faith and prayer – whom the Lord
delighted to honour, will in a few days be down to our help with his army. He
will not only remain inactive, but will strike for his country, and that with
success. The idols of the world, such as Floyd, Johnson and Beaureguard, have
been by God’s providence withdrawn from the active field, while Gen. Jackson
and Bethel Hill are our leaders. Floyd disgraced, Johnson wounded and
Beaureguard’s health requiring that he be relieved of his command. There are
other bright examples of Christians in our high officers, while there are many
more who neither love nor fear the Lord. May they be brought by the example of
the illustrious two above to see that the Lord is God and that with Him are not
only the issues of life and death, but victory purchases on the banner that he
smiles upon.
I think
it well that you did not come down at my instance, if my speculations prove
correct. I hope Richmond will in a few days be relieved of the host that now
besiege it and our large army, which now taxes the whole supply of food to be
had here, be removed to another scene of action. Then Richmond may return to
her accustomed quiet. In the meantime, everything is scarce and high, and I am
sure that with muddy, hot water, no fruit or vegetables, the children would
suffer very much with summer complaints. It is fortunate and providential, I
think, that you went to Lynchburg when you did.
Our
house is being well employed in furnishing an asylum to the good who are
refugees from their homes.
I
understand our sick and wounded are not only be well attended to but are
rapidly recovering. There are still a great many stragglers and old soldiers
about Richmond, much to the depletion and demoralization of our army. GenL. Lee
is, however, at work upon them and will, I hope, soon have them with their
regiments.
I am
getting to be quite anxious to see you all, and hope that a favourable
opportunity may soon be given me, and yet we will be better able to appreciate
the blessings of peace and liberty if they cost us present trials and
afflictions.
Kiss the
dear children and let them unite their innocent little hearts with their
mother’s in prayer for us and our cause, and leaving all in the hands of a good
and merciful Heavenly Father, let come what may, be able to say “He doeth all
things well”.
Remember
me kindly to your Mother and all friends and relatives. I hope you are all
husbanding your supplies and living economically so as to make them go as far
as possible, for it may be there will be an exhaustion of everything before an
opportunity comes to replenish.
Lucy
Norvell no doubt keeps you posted as to everything going on in Richmond, both
at home and among our friends. I am
Your
very affectionate husband,
Jno.
S. Walker
[This is the last letter I have written by John Stewart
Walker. Eight days after writing this, he was killed during the Battle of
Malvern Hill.]
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